i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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