ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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