pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
