...so i touched it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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