well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
