i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
