I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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