I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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