Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
