It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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