it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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