I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
