she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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