he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
