how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
