Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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