It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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