Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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