It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
