Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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