Your mouth is God's brothel.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
