do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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