ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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