so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
