do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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