glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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