Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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