ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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