I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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