just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
