so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
