If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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