WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Two words: nipple clamps
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