Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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