Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
