Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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