haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
