We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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