You're my little dorito
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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