Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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