My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
