the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
