a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
