Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
