He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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