You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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