the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
