There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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