we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
