we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
