Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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