If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
