he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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