Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
