The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
