My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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