I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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