I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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