You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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