so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
