I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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